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President Me: The America That's in My Head

By Adam Carolla

Imagine a global the place New York Times bestselling writer, comic, actor, tv, and podcast host Adam Carolla is the President of the us. Can’t do it? You don’t need to! Adam has performed it for you!

Podcast king Adam Carolla first shared his precise, yet continuously humorous global view in his New York Times bestseller In Fifty Years We’ll All Be Chicks—but he’s now not done.

In President Me, Carolla stocks his imaginative and prescient for a distinct, larger the US unfastened from great concerns like titanic executive right down to small difficulties like resort alarm clock placement. operating on an anti-narcissism platform, President Carolla demands a go back to the values of an past time while stew and casserole have been on each dinner desk and there have been no “service canines” on airplanes. President Me hits correct on the center of what makes our state particularly stressful, and gives a plan to make all of our lives, yet more often than not Adam’s, a lot better.

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I’ve bought the BTK killer sitting within the driver’s seat, I’m not likely to allow myself out and sit down patiently at the bumper for the police to come back. moment, this can be one in an extended line of mandates that doesn’t make experience in definite cars. Take the Lamborghini Aventador—it has the trunk within the entrance and is barely large enough to carry loaves of bread, but it should nonetheless be mandated that this deal with be put in. The chinese language man from Ocean’s 11 couldn’t slot in that trunk but this needs to nonetheless be on there? Dumb. My division of Transportation also will mandate that crash-test dummies have to be fatter. I’ve noticeable all that slow-motion pictures of attempt wrecks. The dummies in these crashes have a much smaller physique mass index than such a lot american citizens. this might tie in good with my get-rid-of-airbags decree. so much american citizens at the moment are coming with their very own airbags within the kind of triple chins and panises. And now that i believe approximately it, why are crash-test dummies continuously white? Let’s get a few brown ones in there. particularly for the DUI simulations. subsequent up for elimination—the miles-until-empty gauge. This sounds like a very good idea—your automobile telling you the way a long way you could cross at the fuel within the tank. every body has been expecting this factor due to the fact autos have been invented. yet it’s so wildly inconsistent that it does way more damage than strong. you begin your automobile up within the morning and it says thirty-one miles left. “Okay, i will make it to paintings and back,” you're thinking that. yet then as you go into reverse your driveway it drops to nineteen miles. so that you imagine, “Okay, I’ll need to replenish at the approach domestic. ” Then it remains at nineteen miles on your complete shuttle yet as you pull as much as your parking spot it drops to 3. in the meantime you recognize that the nearest gasoline station is 4 miles away. Uh-oh. Then as you begin up your motor vehicle on the finish of the day, the reveal shoots again as much as 11, but if you pull out it drops again to 0 back and also you shit your self as you hypermile it to the subsequent fuel station. in fact you get there with lots to spare since you can circumnavigate the globe with this factor on 0. the place do you get these additional miles from? Do they get additional in for reliable habit? Is it a present from the gasoline fairy? What relatively must ensue, and what I’m going to mandate as president, is that each fuel tank must have a heel in it. just like the heel of a boot. this can be a reservoir containing precisely one gallon of gasoline. not more, no much less. Do with it what you'll. force domestic or force to the Grand Canyon. you recognize what your motor vehicle will get gas-mileage-wise. i do know you may have one gallon when you hit E at the tank. You do the mathematics your self. I additionally strictly forbid using all steering-wheel covers. the total element of a guidance wheel is grip. masking it in pretend sheepskin or shag carpeting, as my mother did within the eighties, isn’t going that will help you seize the wheel in case of a skid. Plus, they give the impression of being silly. and eventually, so far as automobile names, I’m going to require a bit extra fact in ads. nobody who lives in Malibu has ever pushed a Chevy Malibu, nor has an individual who’s been to the French Riviera pushed a Buick Riviera.

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